Welcome back!
It has been months since my last (and first) entry but tonight something wonderful happened and I had to make a record of my thoughts and feelings before they escape me.
I've been feeling SO unfulfilled with life ever since I finished school. Each day is literally a new struggle to fill my time and I can only hope it feels meaningful. Working is usually a good distraction but today did not cut it. At 11pm, when I was on my way home, I decided that I needed to do something and felt that a night time walk would be my anecdote.
At 1am I left a nice little note in my room and snuck out of the house, along with my bike, Kimberly. It saddens me that her wheels are squeaky and I can't afford to maintain her as I should. Regardless, it was wonderful just to be on my own and free from the troubles of life. The thing I noticed not hearing the most: car engines. And there was a different but lovely smell outside, a mix of dew with pine cone; a bit like cinnamon, Mmmm.
I took the usual route I like to take at night time and crossed the bridge, at which point I made a type of exhilarated screaming sound, "Woo!", to celebrate my new freedom, peace and carefreeness. I travelled underneath the bridge, which was actually creepy and only resulted in the bottom of my pants being covered with burrs (sticky, ravine plant). I turned around and kept riding away from home, heard something and eventually realized it was a train. I recalled how much I use to love the idea (and sounds of) trains when I was little and thought I'd ride near the closest train track. Took a detour onto a residental side street where I saw a cat. It was perusing the streets gracefully, but as if in thought, as cats do. I stopped riding as to not scare the cat and it stopped too; we starred at one another for a while until it hid into someone's garden. I said good bye and kept riding.
I took some more detours within my detour and found something amazing. I found a very old part of town, perhaps the oldest and it felt like I was in a different country. The road was totally smooth and blended in with the driveways, which I think is nice because it seem like the residents shared the street instead of trying to own their portion of it. I looked to my left and noticed a huge tree. One of the biggest ones I've ever seen around here, even in forest areas, and I was in awe. I wanted to climb it or read under it. I kept riding and found more gorgeous, amazing trees. Mother trees that are so old; their memory must go so far back. I looked at them and thanked god for creating such gorgeous beings. For having them in a place where I never expected to find them; so old and yet utterly perfect. It all reminded me of The Shire a bit.
I got home around 2am, feeling refreshed and inspired to write and read. The trees made me feel connected to the Earth. For I am apart of the Earth, as we all are, but we forget these things. There are so many different ways to think of it, but every religion, even science, states that in some way, we all came from the same place. Since energy and matter is never created or destroyed, we are all made from ancient atoms that have traveled the universe. We are recycled from the Earth and will be again. I find that beautiful, and don't need to hear any stories about how God created the world in seven days, because the science that I know proves to me that this whole universe and life itself is already a miracle. Furthermore, the possibilities in one's life are endless.
I wish people would appreciate the Earth a fraction as much as I do, and make decisions based on that. It is the most precious thing we have and is connected to us in many ways.
So, due of my little journey I had quite a magical night. Empowerment, inspiration, freedom, a place to have my own voice. Everything has been seeming so pedestrian to me lately and ennui clouds my judgement on my days off. I haven't even been feeling in tune with my dancing as much lately.
Two weeks left til' I being at a new, small, environmentally friendly university that has a great record for Quality of Education (not just a reputation, actual awards and the sort). At this stage, I'll be glad to go to ANY university and be around others with higher intellect and social awareness. I miss it so much, I even start to feel a touch of reminiscence at York University, and I didn't even go there!!
Here's to finding inspiration...and a part of myself, again.